Honesty

I made my way safely to and from Norway with a bus last week. I won't write much about it for the fact that it was pretty much the same week as before. (Read previous blog) However, this time was with a bunch of Danes and every night we all ate dinner together and it so nice and hyggelig. One night we had a buffet with 8 different kinds of fish and all these salads and breads. It was quite astounding, actually. Another night we all came back for cake and there was 7 or so different kinds of cakes and it was some of the best cake ever! And yeah, we skied a lot and it went surprisingly better than last time. But who cares about skiing if there is cake! :)

I have been thinking a lot about a lot of important things: my future mostly, but also my past. I can easily be classified as a dweller and a "what if"-er, and I do not see this qualities leaving anytime soon. I recently saw a documentary about an American living in India. She was a photographer and gave 10 or 12 slum children cameras. The pictures they produced were simplely tremendous. She sold them in the US and the money they generated she used to find the children schools where they could escape the slum and their othewise slum future. I really stuck with me and started a battle with myself. I felt really selfish and plain dumb for choosing Denmark, when I could have chosen India, Ghana or China; countries that are significantly different than the US. The truth is if you take away the language and the little things here and there, the US and Denmark would seem almost the same. Do the same for the previous countries and the results are quite different. I do somewhat regret coming to Denmark, when I could have experienced something more powerful and life-changing in another land. The problem that I think about is the person I was then and the person I am now. The 'then' person was not a risk taker. I was outgoing and friendly, but was definitely afraid of the cultures that seemed so far away and distant. I believe I choose Denmark because, although it put me out of my immediate comfort zone, it allowed me to be stay within the realms of my "normal". Generally the people have the same values, religion and access to the rest of the world. Believe me, I am glad that I am in Denmark and I know I have had some real unique experiences and have made some life-long friends, but the "what if" still gets me. What if I went to a country where the majority were not of Christian belief? What if I went to a country where the food was totally different? What if I went to a country where they weren't 'white'? All these questions haunt me, but I reassure myself that Denmark has given me some of the best moments of my life and I woundn't trade that for anything.

I know I have the blessing (or curse) of the travel bug. I want to travel around the world and experience all the different cultures and meet new and interesting people. I want to see the history past and the history of the next generations. I want to be living history and share that with the world. Maybe this is why my mind wanders and ponders the past, present and future so much. My future may be uncertain and my life, a blank canvas, but if I know what my head wants, and more importantly my heart, my decisions will become much more clearer.

Onto the clichés. I have been in Denmark for almost 7 months and have 4 months remaining. The first 6 or so months I was climbing a mountain. It was hard and it never seemed liked I would reach the top. The time went by slowly and I was many times discouraged, but I didn't give up. I finally reached the top and really enjoyed it. I had accomplished my goal, but I was quickly hit with reality when I realized I had to climb back down. The climb down goes much faster, but is harder. I don't want to leave the top, but I cannot stay up there forever; I have to come down. It isn't that I don't want to come down, because the bottom is safe ground and is my comfort place. It is just that I have experienced the peak of the mountain and will always want to go back. But I can't because there are more mountains to climb and more desents to make, but they will come. Right now I am just trying to come down the mountain and enjoy every step that takes further from the peak, but closer to the ground.

Andy